


We were so vacant and kind

by sandyk



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: F/M, mention of real life hate crimes, tiny fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 04:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16716374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Jonah explains his lies, takes care of Parker, and tells a pretty obvious joke.





	We were so vacant and kind

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the national's the last time. Not mine, no profit garnered. Thanks a!!

"You said your parents were divorced," Amy said. They'd been making out in the parking lot, well, kissing and Amy had been groping Jonah's butt. "Like, your dad had an affair, he moved out. Did you lie to me?"

"No, no, not at all," Jonah said. "They separated. Then they got back together after, uh, about two years? Three years. But they got back together. Don't bring that up."

"With you? You started it," Amy said. She stepped back. She was holding her pumping bag with her milk and she was sort of swinging it a little. She said, "I should get home."

"Yes, absolutely," Jonah said. Then quickly, "But then we can go to dinner? I'm sure my parents will still pay."

"Really?" Amy smiled and then didn't. "Do you just want me there while they pick apart your web of lies?"

"I don't know if it's a web of lies --"

"Define hematology," Amy said.

"Fine, yes, please come while I confess," Jonah said. He really just wanted her there for the usual reasons he wanted Amy around. She was his favorite person and he was happiest when he spent time with her. 

"But I have to bring Parker," Amy said.

"I assumed you would," Jonah said. "I mean, you already said no Emma babysitting."

Amy laughed. "That literally lasted less than a week. I just, you know, my mom fell through and my sister hates being around a newborn so there you go. But yeah, I don't want to rely on her."

"It's fine, he's two weeks old, it's gonna be great," Jonah said. 

It was pretty far from great, but Amy and Parker had a good time. He kissed her goodbye while he helped her get Parker in his car seat. 

When he got back to his parents' rented car, his mother said, "You seem good with that. The car seat."

"We practiced together," Jonah said. "We've been dating for seven months."

"Of course," his father said. "Jonah, tell me the truth, if you'd been the father you would have told us, right?"

"Of course," Jonah said. He was nearly one hundred percent sure of that. "I would have picked a different name than Parker." He tried not to say that out loud.

"Of course," his mother said fervently. 

He and his parents stuck to super safe topics like movies (not ones Natalie Portman had been in) and television (his parents liked the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel but both had a lot to say about the lack of Jewish actors in it) and politics. They all agreed vigorously about politics. Thankfully, his parents left after they all went to a Saturday morning Torah service. His mother told him he should go more often, which she said a lot. This time she added the guilt that his parents had been going every Saturday since Pittsburgh. "You live in St. Louis and you don't have medical rounds, you should make an effort," she said. "Maybe you'll meet a nice Jewish girl. All this time, I thought you were with a nice Jewish girl."

"Okay," he said. "Love you!" and then they were finally gone, disappearing into the airport. 

He got two texts from his mother before he even got to Amy's. He knocked on the door and then it occurred to him her car wasn't there. Then Amy's mother answered the door. She said, "Oh, don't you look lovely. Nice suit. Thanks for taking over." Then she did one of those quick usher someone in, let herself out gestures that Jonah always envied. He lacked the ability to pull that off. 

He was alone in Amy's house. Except he wasn't alone. Parker gurgled from the floor. He was on a blanket with a lot of pillows. Jonah took off his jacket, nice shirt and tie. This seemed like the kind of activity that was simple undershirt only. He wished he had some sweatpants here to change into. First he had to call Amy and take care of Parker. 

He picked up Parker since he knew Amy was trying to for a kind of attachment parenting thing as much as she could do with stupid Cloud 9. "Hey, hey," he said. He'd read a bunch about new childhood development so he was sure he shouldn't try baby talk. "I should talk to you like you're an adult," Jonah said. "Not about adult topics, but adult voice." Parker drooled. He drooled a lot. 

Jonah didn't get a chance to call Amy for an hour because Parker also cried for milk which Jonah had to warm up and the milk went straight through him into interesting smells and textures and Jonah did remember the little pee cap for Parker but somehow he still ended up with fluid on his dress pants. It turned out Jonah had left a pair of khakis at Amy's so he was able to change into that. With his fresh pants on, his mind cleared and he dialed Amy who picked up immediately. 

"OhmyGod please tell me you are in my house for some reason and that my mom didn't leave Parker alone because I just saw her post on Facebook about seeing a movie. Are you?"

"Yes, of course. I'm right here. Your mom left right after I came in. I would have called you sooner, but there was a bunch," Jonah said. "You know. Parker things. We were talking about our favorite french movies. He's a Jules et Jim fan but I prefer the Intouchables. It was a spirited debate."

Amy said, "Please stop. He's eighteen days old, I know you didn't talk about french cinema."

"That's the joke," Jonah said.

"Well, it's not funny. It's hacky, it's an obvious joke. It's like Two and A Half Men level jokes, Big Bang. You should be better than that," Amy said. "Sorry, I was just worried. I'll be home in two hours."

"Don't rush," Jonah said. "I've got this."

"Thank you," she said softly. 

Parker actually fell asleep in Jonah's arms while he watched One Day at a Time on Netflix. He just loved that show and he figured Amy would be happy to watch some with him when she got home. "Hey, Parker, you think you can sleep a little more while I clean up?"

Parker didn't respond but he didn't wake up when Jonah placed him on the floor in the middle of the pillows. Jonah had time to run around and clean up a little. He picked Parker up and went back to the couch and watched TV. 

Jonah started to fall asleep himself and woke all the way up when Parker started wailing. "Hey, hey, hey," he said. He looked around and realized Amy was late. He was going to call her as soon as he had Parker calmed down. Which took another half hour of feeding, changing and burping and rocking. Then he looked at his phone and saw he had five texts, three from Amy and two from his mother. 

Amy had texted to tell him she had to stay a little later and then more instructions for Parker and then an apology about dwelling on the hacky joke. Jonah's mom had texted to ask about more of his lies. He sighed and answered his mother. "Don't lie to your mom, Parker."

Parker snuffled and wiggled closer to Jonah. "Are you trying to say you like me, kiddo? I like you, too."

Amy did come home late, sometime around 8 pm. She looked exhausted. She waved at him and went straight to the kitchen. "I have so much fucking milk," she said. "Give me him."

He handed over Parker and she plopped down on the couch and opened her shirt. Parker was a good latcher. Jonah stared at Amy's face.

"Sorry I'm a super grouch," Amy said. 

"It's fine," Jonah said. "It's really fine. You had two days of maternity leave. You're doing great."

"Glenn gave me a puppy," Amy said, with a snarl.

"Your sister loves that puppy," Jonah said. 

"Did you make dinner?"

"I made dinner for me, but there's some for you, too, in the microwave."

"Can you get it for me?" She clutched at Parker. "Whenever he's done."

"As you wish," he said. 

Parker finished feeding, got burped, had his diaper changed and was put in his footie pajamas. "I know," Amy said. The pajamas said 'naughty girl' on them. "Cheyenne gave them to me at the baby shower, she was convinced it was a girl. So now it's ironic, or something. He'll outgrow them."

"You're challenging binary gender stereotypes," Jonah said. 

"No, I'm poor and relying on hand me downs," Amy said. "Actually I think Adam is already planning to accidentally throw these out. He has Parker tomorrow, so."

"Fingers crossed," Jonah said. 

"Thank you for dinner and watching my kid and putting up with my crap mood," Amy said.

"Absolutely no problem," Jonah said. "My parents are only disappointed that you aren't Jewish, that's literally their only objection. They think you're great."

"Even with the kid, which isn't yours, and the fifteen year old daughter, and the fifteen years at Cloud 9," Amy said. She looked skeptical. 

"They've had to process a lot," Jonah said. "Trust me, I'm way more disappointing than you. I think they're actually happy I'm not gay."

"So you didn't tell them everything," Amy said. She had a mischievous smile. 

Jonah smiled back at her. "No, Amy, I didn't mention I'm bi, so I'm still in the closet. But that's basically the only thing I'm still lying to them about. And I'm serious, they think you're great. They just hope you decide to convert someday."

"I don't believe you," Amy said.

"Wait until my mom starts emailing you. Also, she was serious about sending you hand me downs from my brother's youngest. She will do it."

"Great," Amy said. "Wait, this is rich people baby clothes?"

"Hanna Andersson," Jonah said. "Organic cotton. Not super rich people, but not Cheyenne's hand me downs."

"Oooooh," Amy said. "That actually sounds great. Do I have to convert? Cause I might do it for organic cotton baby clothes that don't say 'boob man' on them."

"You don't have to convert for that. Also, Dina gave you that boob one," Jonah said. "She'll be upset if you don't have Parker in it when she visits."

"Yeah, I'm upset she couldn't do anything about my maternity leave," Amy said. "She knows all the numbers of every single person at corporate and she couldn't make one call for her best friend?"

"She was in the hospital, too," Jonah said. 

"Whatever," Amy said. She sighed. She got in bed next to the bedside crib Parker was in. She reached out and took Parker's little chubby fist. "Can you set my alarm? We're both starting at seven a.m. tomorrow."

"I will set your alarm. I will set mine. Do you mind if I -?" He gestured at the other side of the bed.

"Of course not," Amy said. "Sorry I also don't want to have sex yet."

"I can wait," Jonah said. "I like this, too." He genuinely did. He went out and checked that all the doors were locked and the TV and everything turned off. He checked that the refrigerator door was closed so none of the milk went bad. He realized Amy hadn't had a chance to clean her breast pump. He cleaned and dried it. He cleaned up the living room and put Parker's blanket and pillows in their usual pile on the couch. 

By the time he got back to the bedroom, Amy and Parker were both asleep. Jonah enjoyed the brief moment when he got to be the big spoon. Amy usually preferred that spot. 

"Seriously," Amy murmured. "I would convert for Hanna Andersson clothes. They are so nice." 

"They have clearance, Amy, even I could get you some," he said. 

"But they'd be free," Amy said. "I love free. Doesn't that make me Jewish?"

"That's an awful stereotype. Do you know why people think Jews are greedy? Cause --"

"I take it back, I take it back," Amy said. "I think you're wonderful."

"Okay," he said. "Me, too. You're wonderful."

"You're right," Amy said.


End file.
